Finding Happiness

I'm a pretty happy person....I think.  But I'm also normal and imperfect.  I have bad days.  I have personal things I try to deal with - most people do.  And I've learned some things lately that have me trying to focus more on the happy things around me than the really sh....crappy things.  Cause as we all know - we all have to deal with crappy things.

So, I've had a couple of those bad weeks.  On Monday I woke up and said enough!  My goal this week is to focus on a smile.  To look for something each day that makes me smile. 

Something that makes me smile is Inspiration.  I love being...feeling inspired.  I find inspiration in everything around me.  Things that inspire me to be more creative.  People that inspire me to be better.  People that inspire me to work harder and forget about myself.  Other photographers that inspire me to shoot for my dreams and to not be scared.  Other Mothers that inspire me to hold my kidlets closer and to not care so much about them being perfect (Umm - that's a work in progress...).  I have found inspiration in blogs I read.....A young mother who just started chemo and shaved her head a couple of days ago - her attitude and love for everything around her inspires me.  A blog of someone constantly trying to better herself and those around her.  A blog of someone recovering addiction and finding strength in her husband and children.  I find inspiration in pictures and everything lovely.  I find inspiration in watching my love fly fish - watching him strive to become better.  I find inspiration in music - lyrics and instrumental.  And I find inspiration in quotes.  Oh, I love quotes!  I have them written everywhere.  They're all over in my journal, all over pages in my old planner, in my scriptures, written on the back of recipes.  Literally everwhere.  When I was growing up I would put them on post it notes and stick them all over my mirror.  I would do that now, but I'm sure it would drive my very organized and clean hubby crazy!

But I have found a couple of quotes in the last few days that really fit me right now.  And fit with what I'm focusing on for the next little while.

"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."

I'm getting ready to start a "new chapter" of my life in a way.  And I struggle with "re-reading" a lot of things.  Things that should have no grasp on my thoughts.

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."

Oh boy!  This one threw me for a loop.  I have had a picture in my head since I was a little girl of how my life was going to be when I grew up.  What kind of house (victorian with a white picket fense on acres and acres of fresh cut grass), the man I was going to marry (tall, unusually happy while worshipping the ground I walked on.  oh yes!), the children (always dressed perfectly with no holes or stains, perfect behavior - always pleasing mom and dad, rooms always spotless with toys put in their place), I was going to be a country singer, and we would live blissfully disgustingly happy forever and ever. As I got older, of course that picture changed and became a little more realistic.  A little bit.  But, as I've learned, life usually decides to change things.  I have had a picture in my head of the way things were supposed to be.  And they haven't turned out how I thought.  And I've realized that I've held myself back from learning.  From being better.  Because I have been so focused on that picture in my head.

Well, I have a new picture now.  And that picture has missing pieces to it.  But as I get older, as my family grows, and as Bry and I focus on us and our love for each other....those pieces will start to come together.  Today I have a new found excitement for the future.  For what paths my life leads me to.  I know that some of them won't be fun.  Some are going to be very hard and challenging.  But I can do hard things.  And with the Lord and my family I can pull through the hardest situations.

For my smile today...this picture that I took last week of me and the kids on a rough day.  Strength is a powerful thing.  They give me strength.