A post for myself...

I was looking through all of my old posts this morning and found a couple that I never published for reasons I really don't remember.  Maybe I didn't feel it was complete - and basically it's a little jumbled and all over the place.  I typed this one up I think in March.  I guess I needed a reminder today of some of those lessons I've learned.....

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I have a hard time expressing myself with words. I love listening to people who can express their feelings with elegant words and quotes. My sister-in-law Heidi wrote a whole post with words expressing who she is. I sit down to do that and my mind.....is blank.

A few years ago, Bry and I started a "journal" for each of our kids. They each have their own, and in them we each write our own letters to the kids - things we want to teach them, how their personalities are at this time, what we learn from them, lessons we've learned from life... I read through Bry's letters to them and they are beautiful. I remember shortly after Brynlee was born, we were sitting in sacrament meeting and Bry picked up a pen and wrote a poem to Brynlee. One that only a father could write to his daughter.....and I cried.

I've had a few experiences lately and have learned some valuable lessons from. I've wanted to write about those lessons and experiences, but just don't feel I have the words to express myself or our experiences.  I just don't feel I have the words, but I believe we can learn from all of life's experiences and build ourselves upon them.

A good friend sent me this quote last week by Norman Vincent Peale. “Believe you can, and you can. Belief is one of the most powerful of all problem dissolvers. When you believe that a difficulty can be overcome, you are more than halfway to victory over it already.”
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It's funny, because I really needed to hear that quote this week.  I've ran into a lot of old friends lately that have heard about the "experiences" we've been going through this summer.  And a few have wanted an "update" on what's going on.  I still have a hard time saying the word because a lump seems to form in my throat for some unknown reason. 

Skin Cancer.  There I said it.

I really do feel great.  My knee bothers me often because the scar is so tender, but I feel fine.  On the outside.  But emotionally, it honestly has taken it's toll.  I really didn't think it would.  But as I get closer to my 2nd surgery, a lot of the scary feelings come rushing back.  I met with one of my doctors a week and half ago and he ended up taking 2 more moles that looked "suspicious".  And we talked a lot.  I know he wasn't trying to scare me, but wanted me to know of what I'll be dealing with.  But, I left feeling discouraged and sad.  I drove over to Bry's work cause I just needed him to tell me once again (for the billionth time...) that everything is going to be okay.

My body looks like a war zone.  I literally have scars on almost every limb of my body.  I don't think I'm vain in any way, but it's hard to look in the mirror and see evidence of what's going on right now.  But to be optimistic.....they're signs of what I've survived.

I'm really blessed to have some great people around me that are genuinely concerned and listen when I need to talk and give me support and inspiration.  I really do feel better after talking to them.

But I've also had people act like "you're just fine.  I don't understand why you're so upset - it's just skin cancer which is pretty treatable and lots of people survive".  Well, sheesh, I'm not saying I'm dying at all.  I'm just scared and needed to talk to someone. :)

But I'm happy.  I love my family and I love being here with them.

And for today....This guy is someone that makes me very happy. 

(I can't post something without a picture)

Sorry for the downer post, but sometimes you just have to let it off your chest and move on.